I feel that everything in the world can be forgiven, but I don't know who to forgive.
every time they come to a new school, all the girls hope that they can immediately find a partner who can go to the bathroom hand in hand.
on the first day I was promoted to junior high school, I met my classmates in the class next door.
she took the initiative to talk and keep company, which saved me a lot of trouble when I was not good at communication.
at that time, I always felt that I was blessed by God.
after all, I never thought that she would let me spend the rest of my life in violence.
in that year, I was still a good girl in the eyes of the teacher, and she was one of the rebellious girls in the school, which was later called "non-mainstream".
they often gather in the milk tea shop at the school gate. Everyone makes the trousers of school trousers smaller, wears canvas shoes of various colors, lifts thick bangs, and writes "you want to be blessed" in the book with Mars.
and wearing a loose and fat school uniform, I was obviously not in the same way as them, and I never thought I would make friends with such a person.
but I do not reject it. I only interpret their behavior as personality publicity and rebellion.
in my opinion, as long as you don't provoke others and don't look at people with colored glasses, you can get along well with everyone.
but gradually, the disdain and hostility from her became more and more obvious:
whether it was a high score, hosting a performance, or all her hobbies, it would turn into a white eye in her ear, plus a "ho" mockery.
in the end, she would scribble on my book every day and write a lot of words like "bitch" on the back of the paper.
the reason is very simple-I dare not skip class, stay out of home at night, dare not contradict the teacher, or even dare not change my school uniform pants.
in her eyes, I am a real country bumpkin and pussy. No matter what I do, I deserve to be despised and laughed at by them.
but that's it. At that age, there are ten thousand illogical reasons to hate someone.
those who dress up are said to be coquettish and well-behaved;
those who like to behave are said to be forced, and those who are quiet should be bullied.
then I chose to deliberately alienate her, thinking to myself that I could not afford to annoy her.
I didn't expect this hiding, but I got out of more trouble.
once after school, I was blocked in the corridor by the "eldest sister" of the school. I was asked, "are you xxx?"
after nodding inexplicably, he was suddenly pushed in the chest and said, "I hear you've been upset with us lately?"
I was speechless. I could only shake my head, but I was scared.
she tugged at my sleeve and tried to take me out of school to "have a good talk". Fortunately, the teacher passed by and let me escape with a loud voice.
when she left, she gave me a nasty look and dropped the words "be careful later".
obviously it is only the first time to meet each other, but it seems to have a deep feud with me.
should I be careful not to make them angry, or be careful not to get caught by them?
I don't know. It's inexplicable.
but I received the answer three days later, probably the latter.
after school that day, she unusually took the initiative to invite me to go to the bathroom. I was a little confused, but I went along.
the moment I pushed the door, I was confused. There were more than a dozen girls standing inside, but I soon realized that I was going to hit the street today.
I turned around and wanted to leave. As soon as my hand touched the doorknob, I was pulled over and the door slammed shut.
was followed by abusive abuse and a slap in my face in turn.
probably their emotions were vented, their eyes were no longer so vicious, and their faces were full of happiness, mockery, and indifferent smiles.
I remember that there was a girl inside who was regarded as a novice, who had been hesitant to do it. She was held by the "eldest sister" to demonstrate and fanned it with all her strength.
at that moment, I actually saw the joy of breaking through in her expression. Sure enough, after the first time, she slapped me and became much more straightforward.
and the bold ones directly stood on the hand washing table and used the inertia to fan me. They said that it would be more comfortable to fan up.
of course, it hurts me, too.
after repeating this several times, someone tugged at her sleeve and said, "Don't fight like that, something will happen. Last time someone had a perforated eardrum."
I don't know if I should be lucky. It turns out that they will be afraid and cripple me.
that day was the calmest moment of my life. I didn't cry, I didn't resist, I didn't even say a word.
there is only one thought in mind, and it will be all right when they finish playing.
I don't remember how many times I was slapped in the face in that half hour. In the end, I was numb and my mind went blank.
they left in twos and threes, not forgetting to make up a few slaps before leaving, telling me not to be too cocky.
after throwing cold water on my face, I felt a burning pain.
am I wrong?
I don't understand.
for a long time, I didn't want to tell anyone about it.
afraid of self-revealing scars, I wish I could format that memory from my mind the next second.
what's more, after uncovering the scar, it will only make things worse.
I don't tell the teacher because they can't protect me;
No.When I talk to my friends, I'm afraid they will alienate me even more.
not to mention to my family, they just say, "there must be something wrong with you, otherwise why are you being beaten?"
I dare not seek asylum because no one can protect me, and this act of asking for help will only cause me to be beaten again.
the only thing I can do is to curse them silently and die early.
there is nothing else I can do.
I live carefully, speak carefully, do things carefully, and hide this history carefully.
become afraid of making friends, afraid of making mistakes to make others unhappy, become paranoid, vulnerable, sensitive and self-abased.
I have to try my best to hide myself and live a normal life.
Seven years have passed, and now I have nothing to do with them, and I am slowly coming out of the shadow.
just looking back on that experience, I really hope that such a person can come out to accompany me at that time and tell me:
"it's not you who is wrong, it's the perpetrators, it's the whole environment."
although life will still be bad, at least it will make me live a more reasonable life.
Do not think anymore, do not look anymore, dresses for cocktail wedding guest old ladies is all you need to bring out the best in your feminism. A great collections are on hot sale now!
good evening, I am Yuanxia.
this article really makes me feel sorry. The reason for
emotion is that in my contact with this anonymous author, I have always felt that she is a character who is always passionate and always happy.
her body is full of vitality, and her smile always makes me feel good. So until she wrote this article, I couldn't imagine that she had such a tragic past.
she said she survived and lived a good and enthusiastic life.
but the moment she asked me if I could remain anonymous, I knew that the experience was still such a nightmare in her mind that even seven years later, after they had nothing to do with each other, she was still afraid to mention it in her own identity.
some of the past is impassable, and Lin Han not long ago is the saddest evidence.
I know that an article can't eradicate all phenomena, but I still want to give those who are going through it a little courage to face it, or to run away.
No matter what happens, whether you are my friend or stranger, we will accompany you, even if it hurts together. Good night.