The top self-discipline of adults is to respect other people's values.
Understanding others is a kind of self-cultivation, respecting differences is a kind of realm.
Wen Changchang, a writer, once went shopping with a friend and met two boys playing and singing on the guitar by the side of the road.
she was about to walk over when she heard a girl whispering:
"at first glance, they come out to play cool girls, and there are few good guys who play guitar."
as he approached, the boy who played the guitar said to the audience:
"you can say any song you want, and you can sing it to you as long as you can sing it."
just now the girl also came over, Yin and Yang said strangely: "so it is to come out to sing to earn money?"
the boy explained that they were students of the Conservatory of Music and came out to play and sing mainly to build up courage and accumulate performance experience, not to make money.
the girl mocked again: "the song you just sang is out of tune. It sings so badly that you might as well go back and study hard."
after a period of embarrassment, the boy lost interest in playing and singing, so he had to pack up his musical instrument and turn away.
the girl consciously did a big thing and strutted away.
in life, we often meet this kind of people:
they are full of prejudice against the outside world, and when they meet people who are different from their three values, they are always used to using their own set of values to evaluate or even denigrate others.
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there is a term in psychology called "hostile projection": a person's cognition and view of the world comes to a large extent from his own inner projection.
when there are people who are inconsistent with their own values, people with immature hearts will have strong psychological conflicts and discomfort, and will try to interfere with other people's ideas and forcibly project their own feelings to others.
but in this world, everyone's experience and experience are different, and their own outlook on life, values and world outlook are also different.
there is a good saying on Zhihu:
"although the three values are different, we cannot say who is high and who is low with different world views and values.
Mutual respect is to reflect a person's self-cultivation, even if I do not agree with you, but I can understand the different values. "
the three values, there is no difference between right and wrong, it has a premise, that is, you can not use your own set of values to require that all people's values are the same as yours.
the most taboo thing about being a man is to measure other people's lives with your own ruler and weigh others' lives on your own Libra.
Zhihu once had a hot topic: "what's it like to have been to more than 100 countries?"
A high praise replied:
I didn't know until I went to Tonga that men wear skirts, and fat women are the best.
I didn't know until I went to Austria that beggars can also play minor tunes.
I didn't know until I went to Nepal that in a poor country, people could not limit their happy smiles.
the more places one walks through, the more widely one has seen the world, the more he can understand that there is no absolute in this world, and the more he can accept that others have different values and their derived ways of thinking.
Tao Yong, director of ophthalmology at Beijing Chaoyang Hospital, once told a story.
he once met a little girl with cataract. The little girl's family had sold all her property in order to save her, and his father even quit his job to take care of her.
although the hospital has tried its best to waive some surgical fees for the family, he stumbled upon the girl's father stealing money in the hospital.
he was surprised, but not disdainful, because from a father's point of view, he understood that it was not easy for a girl's father, and he knew that no one would be willing to do these sneaking things unless he was desperate.
on another occasion, when the girl's father took the girl to the hospital for medical treatment, he happened to meet an old lady who went upstairs and fell downstairs. Without saying a word, the girl's father went to the emergency room to bandage the old lady behind her back.
after experiencing these two things, Tao Yong learned:
the world is not black or white. Most of the time, we judge whether others are good or bad when we have no worries about food and clothing and live a stable life.
but in fact, good and evil are only things that breed in the environment, and we all have to.
there is a sentence in the Great Gatsby:
"whenever you want to criticize others, remember that not everyone in this world has the advantages you have."
in life, everyone has his own difficulties and difficulties.
when you see enough and see far enough, you will naturally understand that there is not only one way to live.
understanding others is a kind of self-cultivation, and respecting differences is a kind of realm.
people who have really seen the difference of the world and seen heaven and earth will respect every kind of life from the bottom of their hearts.
have you found that there are such people around:
he can understand whatever you say when dealing with them, and the communication is smooth.
you think you have the same values and can talk to each other.
in fact, it is quite possible that you talk and get along well because each other is compatible with your values.
Kant once said:
"I respect any independent soul, although I do not agree with some, but I can understand as much as possible."
there are no two identical leaves in this world, nor are there exactly the same values.
low-level people are full of hostility to the outside world and always want to question and negate other people's values.
and high-level people know how to seek common ground while reserving differences, and can understand and respect differences.
in this era full of prejudice, it is a person's top wisdom to be able to accept other people's different values and lifestyles, to be able to tolerate differences and to be considerate of others.
A paragraph found by well-known bloggers is summed up very well:
"the outlook on life is to be viewed, not judged; values are to be talked about, not negated; and world outlook is to be enjoyed, not despised."
you like reading, and he likes playing games, which is not called disagreement between the three values;
but he said that what's the use of reading? it's just pretending to be literature and art. This is called disagreement between the three values.
you like to travel around during the holidays, and he likes to stay at home. This is not a disagreement among the three values.
but he said that what's so interesting about traveling is to spend money and suffer? this is called disagreement between the three values.
the true harmony of the three values does not require that everything be the same, but that we know how to respect each other's differences.
there is a good saying:
"allow yourself to be different from others and make you a maverick; allow others to be different from you, and you will accept all kinds of rivers."
the top self-discipline of adults is to respect the values of others.
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