Today, I reintroduced myself to my grandmother.
I said to my grandmother, "Happy International Children's Day."
do you know? It is actually a very uncomfortable thing to be forgotten by the person closest to you.
I don't know since when, there seems to be an eraser in my grandmother's world: Alzheimer's disease.
it erases grandma's memory slowly and little by little. She forgets to turn off the gas, to pick up her clothes in the rain, and finally to forget everyone around her. She is 76 years old, but she has suddenly changed back to 6 years old.
before she was ill, she was a very powerful woman.
she can carry a big watermelon in her right hand and carry a pile of heavy objects in her left hand, leaving me behind holding a snack; she can cross her waist and bargain with the vegetable market lady in high spirits. When the bargain is successful, she will secretly give me a gesture of victory. She is also a kitchen god, rolling noodles, making dumplings and making zongzi are all out of the question. She can even cook a meal for five people in less than half an hour, including my favorite braised crucian carp.
I always thought that maybe God was so jealous of her talent that he took it all away.
with the passage of time, she is no longer good.
when I was a child, my favorite food was her dumplings, which had a thin skin and lots of stuffing, and they would spray juice when they were bitten, which was no worse than the restaurant outside. At that time, she rolled out the skin and made the stuffing, and I would sit at the dinner table and watch her skillfully make dumplings. She always says that if the skin is too dry, you should dip some water around, otherwise it will not be good for the dumplings to spread out when cooking.
Last year, we sat at the dinner table again and wrapped dumplings, but that time they were filled with my rolled skin. I watched the dumpling crust in her hand pressed hard, loosened, pressed, loosened, until she lost patience and threw it angrily on the table, just like me.
I picked up the dumplings and told her that the skin was too dry and remember to touch the water.
I wrapped up her left dumplings in front of her three or two times. She raised her hand, picked up the dumplings trembling and said, "Wow, you're amazing."
I smiled at her and replied, of course, it was taught by my grandmother.
Last year's holiday, when I went back from Guangzhou to see her, she no longer knew me, who was 21 years old. She carefully pulled me aside. She looked around and asked me in a low voice, "have you seen my little granddaughter?"
I stroked my broken hair stroking my cheek, smiled and said, "what are you looking for your little granddaughter?"
in front of her, she looked up again, looked around, curled her mouth and complained to me: "I bought her a pair of embroidered shoes, but I haven't seen her all the time."
she took out a pair of small shoes with exquisite embroidery and neat stitching, but it was obviously the size of a seven-or eight-year-old child.
Grandpa told me that when he told her that I was coming back the other day, she shouted that she must go to the store to choose a present for me. When she went to the shoe store to buy shoes, she insisted that I was only seven or eight years old and compared her hands to my waist. "just such a tall little girl." When her grandfather stopped her, she lost her temper and said, "you're lying." finally, Grandpa sighed and said, "she kept talking when she got the shoes, so that you wouldn't be broken by a stone."
I suddenly had a little sore nose. When I was a child, I used to run around because I didn't like wearing shoes. When I was eight years old, the instep of my foot was cut by a stone.
she forgot who I was when I grew up, but she remembers all this.
I lived in my hometown when I was a child. At that time, there were no street lights in my hometown at night, and it was always ghastly at night, leaving a bunch of strange cries of creatures I couldn't name.
at that time, Grandma would touch my head beside me, looking out of the window and humming a song to Nanniwan. I would hold a rabbit doll knitted by my grandmother and go to sleep slowly. Later, the rabbit doll was lost when he moved, and the fast-paced life in the city made me fall asleep.
on the morning when I came home some time ago, I was woken up from my sleep by the cry of a child. I was in the room listening to my crying cousin saying, "Grandma is a bad person. Grandma robs things." Listening to Grandma reply, "that's mine"
at that time Grandma's mind became a child, an eccentric and withdrawn child.
as I listened in the room, things gradually calmed down, and I continued to fall asleep because I had more than a headache. However, in a daze, a pair of rough hands slowly touched my hair. I struggled to open my eyes and saw my grandmother's wrinkled side face. She began to hum the tune of Nanniwan, her eyes squinting, her head slightly on the side, and her dry fingers beating at the same time. At that moment, in a trance, I had the illusion that she had recovered.
I was suddenly a little sad, and when I turned my head, I realized that I didn't know when I had a bunny doll next to my pillow.
everyone thinks she robbed the baby with her child because she was sick, only I know, because she still remembers that she had a little granddaughter who was afraid of the dark.
since then, I have always felt that she is not sick.
it's just that the trajectory of her life is different from that of others, who walk all the way to the end, but she chooses to return along the road, and then throw away the past and travel over the past few decades.
I wonder if I am still a child in her mind. When she saw me squatting in the corner, she said softly, "Don't be afraid, Grandma is here."
Nothing could be more magnificent than our sleeve prom attire. Easy to use and great value too.
watching "deeper than the Sea" a few days ago, the old woman in it said a line: "Happiness must be given up before you can get it."
so I guess my grandmother's forgetting is also her private deal with fate.
but even if I comfort myself like this, I still feel sad. Because before that,For a few years, I could have patiently taught her how to use her cell phone. I could have gone home to spend more time with her instead of my boyfriend. I could have talked to her more instead of posting moments.
and I couldn't do it, but by the time I realized I was supposed to do it, I didn't have a chance to do it again.