Stop caring about me, okay?
as soon as she got through, she said, "Don't talk, let me cry for a while."
I said "mm-hmm" and listened silently to her crying on the other end of the phone for ten minutes.
I know that I have been crying for a long time in these ten minutes.
the breakup was Ashti's, half a month ago, on Wechat.
Ashi has a natural optimism and a strong ability to look good.
he is one year older than her. Everyone walked for twenty minutes to class under the scorching sun, and he picked her up with a small electric car every day. Everyone went to squeeze the school bus after midnight snacks. He waited for her at the school gate and accompanied her back to the dormitory.
I asked her, "going to get married?"
she said, "if there is no accident, yes!"
who knows the accident is not not coming, but a little later.
first let people get used to the feeling of happiness, and then let you lose all, so that the fall is even more painful.
he left school for an internship in his senior year. They made an appointment to talk on the phone every night. He went back to school to see her when he was free, and she drove to another city to find him during the holiday.
later, he was so busy as an intern that he had to socialize with clients and couldn't talk on the phone every night.
she said yes.
later, he had to strive for a better performance before he could stay in office. He could not go back to school to see her, and she could not go to him to delay his work.
she said yes.
A month ago, he didn't reply to her Wechat for a week. The senior sister who worked with him told Ashi that recently an intern used to bring him lunch boxes.
half a month ago, Asher said, "actually, if you want to break up, you can be frank."
he said yes.
after listening to Ashi cry for ten minutes on the phone, I said, "I told you not to hang on, what? I thought you said it was all right, that you weren't sad at all. "
she choked and said, "Yes, I am only sad in front of you, and I am still a strong optimist in front of them." They don't like the way I lose my face. "
the women Ashi called them are her roommates.
Ash had a bad time after the breakup.
insomnia at night, I don't want to get up for class in the morning. Although I wanted to forget him, he taught Ashi a lot of things for three years, they did almost everything together, and they walked through every part of the school together.
there is your shadow everywhere, which is the pain you have to go through after a breakup.
roommates comforted her:
"Don't cling to those memories, don't be so pretentious."
"he's just a scumbag. There's nothing to be sad about. It's good to split up."
"Don't be sad, you will be all right."
even those old friends I haven't seen for a long time come to talk about her in private:
"believe me, when you break up, you will cry and rob the earth, and nothing will happen a week later."
"you're so good, it's nothing to split up."
Ash nodded frequently, and she thought so.
"it's really not worth grieving for him. This awkward look is not like me at all. I want to be happy."
so Ash decided to get better.
I offered to accompany her for a walk, but she smiled and refused me: "I'm all right, it's over."
she was suddenly fine, but a few times later, like everyone else, I was relieved and gratified by her "coming out."
it's just that I didn't expect her to call me suddenly and burst into tears.
she said, "when I was on duty, I swept out my ticket when I went to find him under the cupboard." Then a person suddenly wanted to cry in the classroom. I'm so useless. I can't even throw something clean. It's useless. Why can't I do what everyone thinks is easy? "
when she decides to "let go", she can still think of him no matter what she does.
but she can't live up to the concern of others, afraid of embarrassing herself to be annoying and disappoint the people around her.
in order to meet the expectations of others, you have to pretend to be very positive when you are obviously injured.
because everyone says, "put it down" is an easy thing, so Ashi does not dare to "let it go."
the mood could not be vented, and he knew it had never gotten better, so Ashi collapsed.
grief is a person's right, but all of a sudden, this right is confiscated.
I remember that Mai Jiayu has a song called "when it's your turn to lose sleep"--
when it's your turn to lose sleep, when it's your turn to fail, just talk about the truth of being a man.
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when it's your turn to be obsessed, when it's your turn to be vigorous, it's no wonder why I didn't put it down.
in the face of those who keep saying, "Don't be hypocritical, take it easy", Mai Jiayu has no choice but to sing: "if one day your partner smiles away, and when you have loved me seriously, I hope you can see through overnight."
when you can't really understand my pain, but use the big truth to persuade me, all the words are like a kind of ridicule.
laugh at me for being so cowardly, laugh at me for not getting better, laugh at me enough and stop acting disgusting.
in fact, how can we not understand that everything is not worth it and should not be?
it's just that when others tell him how bad he is, we also remember how much we love him.
then say, "it doesn't matter, be sad, just be sad." It's much more gentle than desperately trying to get better.
sadness is a barrier for emotional dismissal, some people get better quickly, some people get better slowly.
there's really nothing wrong with people who are slow to get better.
so next time, please don't reason with me again.
so next time, can you forgive my sadness and fragility?
I'm not really big either.Fearless, there are times when I really want to lose for a few days.