The hardest part is happiness.
in Chunjiao Saving Zhiming, what impressed me most was Chunjiao saying, "I don't want a man like my father."
that's what I've been thinking since a long time ago.
my mother is a gentle woman, always under her father's "leadership", living in the rules of the traditional family, almost unconditionally accommodating and obedient to her father.
in the love between Mom and Dad, Mom always has the upper hand and always indulges Dad.
No matter what mistake my father made, even if he got into a fight and got excited, as long as he asked my mother to go home, my mother would go back, and he didn't even need him to admit his mistake.
and I also see that my mother has been very sad in this relationship.
I am afraid that my other half and I will be the same in the future. I must not follow my mother's old path.
so I became not gentle at all and had a tough temper.
at that time, I thought that I would not be happy if I had to give in reluctantly, even a little.
luckily, I was so difficult that I had an infinitely tolerant boyfriend when I was seventeen.
I am addicted to cleanliness.
things must be washed when they fall to the ground. School pants can be angry for a long time if they are accidentally kicked.
he happened to be a boy who played basketball super well and relaxed. He just lay on the court when he was tired and paralyzed after playing.
but after being together, he would take the initiative to take my dirty school pants back to the dormitory and wash them by hand. Like me, he would take the signature pen dropped on the floor and wash it, which gradually became his habit.
for a 17-or 18-year-old boy at that time, helping his girlfriend wash his pants was found by his roommates to be as clean as a little girl, which can be said to be "worth making fun of".
but when you like someone, you seem to be deaf and blind, and you can't hear or see the sarcasm and advice of the people around you.
he said, "it doesn't matter, as long as she's happy."
when there is a conflict, he will run downstairs to my house and desperately call me.
hang up, call again, hang up again.
my friend advised him, "Don't wait, she won't come down."
he didn't care and continued to sit downstairs until dark.
I don't know if it's because I often complain about my father in front of him.
he is really gentle in front of me, so he returns a little bit of confidence in love.
but when he is gentle, he will often "commit crimes".
although it is all trivial, he will rack his brains to coax me back.
it's just that people get tired, especially when they do the same thing at high frequency over and over again.
one time we had a cold war.
after saying good words for the fifth day, he lost his temper at me for the first time in the utility room: "you always say how bad your father is, but you are the same as him."
I am angry.
it's not that he actually lost his temper with me, but that I tried to refute him, but was speechless.
it suddenly occurred to me that others said that he was a principled cold dog who could make people cry every minute when he was out of service.
but he always smiles at me.
even if I have to be more than twenty minutes late for every appointment.
I hang up on him every time I get angry.
even if I take it for granted again and again to enjoy his good.
at that time, he was like a man with no temper, allowing similar unreasonable things to happen every day.
I couldn't find out for a long time that even once I had indulged him, I couldn't find an excuse for "I'm good to you, too."
when he left that day, he asked me very seriously, "do you not like me?"
I can't answer that.
if the criterion of liking a person is whether you are willing to step back for the other person, then by this standard, I may not like him at all.
but really, it's not that I don't like you, and I don't mean to be mean to you.
I've just seen a lot of humble feelings, my mother, my friend.
so I'm afraid of becoming a humble person with no good results in those examples.
so whenever there is a contradiction, I unreasonable hope that you will use compromise to prove that you care about me.
then every time you move me, my self-esteem is soothed and I become addicted to this wrong method.
I thought I had this relationship under control, just like hanging up the phone when I was angry. It was effortless to move my fingers.
but I'm sorry, because you spoil me so much, I really accidentally forget how annoying I am and how unresponsive I am.
I've been trying to avoid someone like my dad.
but in the end, in love, I became the kind of person I hated most.
there is a word called "overkill".
maybe you've seen a bad relationship, or you've fallen in a relationship.
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"if he likes you, he will come to you actively";
"if he likes you, he will take the initiative to accommodate you";
"if he likes you, he will spoil you desperately."
at first, I also envied such feelings. But now I realize that this standard is too much.
because people who choose this standard are throwing things they hate at each other. Is to make him become like the original you, so sad, so humble.
so he also made a mistake.
between us, it can't be "it doesn't matter, as long as she's happy."
you have to be happy, too.