Watch your heart, keep your mouth shut, and do your own thing.
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there is a good saying:
"can say it is ability, not wisdom, but the right silence is more reassuring."
as the saying goes, if you say too much, you will lose, and evil will come out of your mouth.
in dealing with the world, people should learn to "see through, do not ask, and mind their own business."
it is a skill to perceive everything, and it is wisdom to see through it.
it is the ability to see through everything with a golden eye, and great wisdom is to see through what is good and what is good.
Yan Tinglu, an expert in actual combat management, once shared the story of inviting friends to dinner.
A friend I haven't seen for years knows that Yan Tinglu is on a business trip to his city and excitedly invites him to dinner.
Yan Tinglu knows very well that his friends have sick mothers to wait on, children who go to school need to be taken care of, and the efficiency of the company has always been poor, so they are relatively short of money.
Yan Tinglu agreed to see his friend so enthusiastically.
my friend knows that Yan Tinglu likes hot pot, so he booked a good hot pot restaurant in advance.
Yan Tinglu listened and said, "Hot pot is good, but it takes too long. Return it!"
my friends continue to suggest eating Boiled Fish with Pickled Cabbage and Chili.
Yan Tinglu made up an excuse: "recently my stomach is not feeling well and I dare not eat spicy food."
friends don't know what to eat for a moment.
Yan Tinglu thought about it and said, "I like scrambled eggs with tomatoes best. let's find a small restaurant."
the two hit it off. When they got to the restaurant, they ordered scrambled eggs with tomatoes and two side dishes.
while a friend went to the toilet, Yan Tinglu ordered another plate of braised meat, a spicy chicken, and a carp, and bought the order in advance.
my friend felt a little embarrassed when he saw this.
Yan Tinglu half joked: "if you buy it all, can you waste it?"
so the two enjoyed a big meal.
Caigen Tan says:
"not blaming others for minor mistakes, not being private, and not thinking about people's old evils, the three can cultivate virtue and harm far away."
but there are many such things in life:
when something happens to the family, someone insists on mentioning it in front of everyone.
some people deliberately mention sad things over the years when they are supposed to have a happy party.
work is not satisfactory, but some people don't know which pot to boil without mentioning it.
to disclose other people's privacy in the name of concern, regardless of the occasion, is tantamount to sprinkling salt on the wound.
to see through other people's embarrassment but not to make a loud noise, to be aware of other people's difficulties but to help silently is the deep self-cultivation.
on some occasions, knowing that not asking is respect
in 1962, Binbin, the eldest son of writer Liu Baiyu, suffered from rheumatic heart disease and went to Shanghai for treatment.
because his condition did not improve, and Liu Baiyu was also ill in hospital, he had to let his wife send his critically ill son back to Beijing.
Ba Jin and his wife, as good friends, arrived at Liu Baiyu's ward early in the morning.
they all knew about Binbin's illness, but none of them asked a question, but stayed with them silently.
until I received a phone call from mother and son who arrived in Beijing safely.
when Ba Jin and his wife got up to bid farewell, Liu Baiyu insisted on taking them to the door of the hospital, clasping Ba Jin's hand and expressing thanks again and again.
Ba Jin waved her hand and said faintly, "nothing, I just happen to be free to accompany you."
on some occasions, knowing that you don't ask, it is love, care, understanding, and respect from the bottom of your heart.
what is difficult to get along with people is not to be polite and ask for warmth, but to have tacit understanding and goodwill.
some time ago, my friend told me about a little thing.
because there was a small mistake at work, my friend was called to the office by the supervisor.
he stayed inside for more than half an hour, and the leader's reprimand was so loud that it was probably heard by all his colleagues in the room.
when my friend came out of the office and returned to his station, he felt sure that he would be discussed by everyone and wanted to find a crack to get in.
but the colleagues on one side were calmly busy with the work in hand and ignored him at all.
only a colleague who often gossips drags his friend into the tea room and asks:
"what mistake did you make?"
"the leader didn't embarrass you, did he?"
from then on, the friend stayed away from the gossipy colleague.
I will tear your scar when I know you are embarrassed, add fuel to the fire when I know you are unhappy, and press me step by step when I know you have difficulties.
not everything needs to be restored to the truth, and not all explanations are necessary. A knowing smile is far better than an inappropriate boo-boo.
this is the kindness of a person with wisdom and foresight.
giving a helping hand is fraternity, meddling is out of line
in interpersonal communication, we should help each other.
but when "help" crosses the bounds and crosses the line for the other party, it is counterproductive and troublesome, then it is meddling.
ran Gaoming said an interesting sentence in "Strange work":
"if you ask how the canal is so clear, you should take care of yourself first."
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have seen a fable:
the owner keeps a dog to guard the yard and a cat to catch mice.
one day, a lot of mice came out of nowhereThe hospital is infested with rats.
the cat was busy at once and caught the mouse as soon as it saw it, busy from morning till night.
the gatekeeper dog also jumped up and down to help cats and mice.
the owner was furious when he found out, took off the whip and punished the dog.
"your duty is to guard the yard, not to catch mice. Because of your horizontal intervention, the thief caught the opportunity. "
then the dog realized that this was meddling.
meddling is to interfere in other people's affairs beyond one's authority.
We should provide help in time when others need it, but if we mind our own business, lose our sense of propriety, and violate other people's privacy, it will only be thankless and annoying.
Dickens wrote in the Drud mystery: "the best courtesy is to mind your own business."
once watched a program in which the hero entered a new working environment.
in order to make a good impression, he especially likes to rush to do things for others, and often makes himself work very hard and has to help others finish.
but such a "warm-hearted" did not get praise from others, on the contrary, everyone did not like him very much.
because he either stole other people's "credit" or disrupted other people's plans.
whether in the workplace or in life, respect for others, moderate help, and mind your own business can make each other have a comfortable interpersonal atmosphere.
there is a couplet in A Dream of Red Mansions: "the world is enlightened and learned, and human experience is an article."
it is wise to see through the world without saying anything;
knowing not to ask is the upbringing of self-discipline;
minding one's own business is the cultivation of human understanding.
as long as you know other people's mistakes, you don't have to haggle over them.
as long as you know other people's privacy, you don't have to expose it by force.
as long as you understand other people's affairs, you don't have to interfere.
this is not the golden mean of the inner side of the outer circle, nor is it an overstaffing of sensible self-preservation, but the highest self-cultivation of a person.
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