The happier the family is, the more you need to treat every family member well.
have you found a strange phenomenon:
in life, we tend to greet outsiders with a smile and a pleasant face.
in front of people close to him, he speaks unscrupulously and openly.
however, the power of language is never to be underestimated, even in the face of those who are closest to each other.
maybe in the moment we blurt out, your lover and children are suffering from your language violence.
as a result, in failing to speak well again and again, he destroyed the family and the children.
A partner who can't talk well
is the poison of marriage
my friend Ajie divorced a few days ago.
behind the door of the Civil Affairs Bureau, he said strongly to his ex-wife, "you are 33 years old. Don't think that finding another man after divorce will be better than me. I tell you, you will regret it."
but we had dinner together in the evening, and in the middle of drinking, he suddenly lost his temper and lay down on the table crying:
"this family has been ruined by my own mouth."
A Jie is a warm-hearted person, but the shortcomings are also obvious, words will not take care of other people's feelings.
when his ex-wife was ill, he was very concerned, but he must insist: "I warned you to cool down. Wear more. Now you have a cold."
obviously want to leave the family affairs to the ex-wife, but the words become: "whatever you want, I can do whatever you want."
didn't want his ex-wife to worry about her job, so she said perfunctorily, "you don't know anything, don't get involved."... "
do you say Jie doesn't love his ex-wife?
it must be love, but the words that come from his mouth convey the opposite of love.
so in the end, there was no cheating, no domestic violence, no mistress, and their marriage fell apart.
in the eyes of many people, speaking is an unimportant thing, and they don't feel that there is something wrong with their way of speaking.
but as psychologist Marshall Luxembourg said:
"maybe we don't think that the way we talk is violent, but language does often cause pain for ourselves and others."
in front of the most intimate people, it is easy to be unscrupulous, and their speech and behavior are full of inexplicable scruples.
but you never know what kind of harm a random blurt out will do to your lover and what disaster you will bury to yourself.
parents who don't talk well
is the pain of a child's life
once described his own experience:
ever since I can remember, I have often heard them answer each other by rhetorical questions.
"how do I know", "otherwise", "what do you think".
later, this rude language habit was passed on to me like a vicious circle.
one of the most impressive things is that I accidentally broke my leg when I was doing housework. When my mother saw it, she began to shatter:
"it's useless. What else can you do?" If you don't know how to cook when you get married, we won't help you if you get kicked out by your mother-in-law. "
I didn't cry or cry about pain when I fell, but when I heard that sentence, my body was hurt all over in an instant.
so later, I went to the south against the opposition of my whole family, so that I could go home less often.
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We are used to defending parents who don't talk well, saying that they are swords and tofu hearts, and that they are actually doing it for your own good.
but in fact, the knife mouth is also very hurtful.
Ethan, Ph.D., University of Michigan, once did an experiment to prove that
"when a person is attacked by verbal violence, emotional pain reacts in the brain area, which is very similar to physical pain, and the nervous system can experience almost the same level of pain."
those casual words may not leave a scar on the child's body, but they will break the child's heart and become a memory that they can never erase.
every recollection is like a Ling Chi.
the cracks between each other will be cut across the board, destroying the harmonious parent-child relationship step by step.
how do we use verbal violence
destroyed his home step by step
I often hear a saying: good words are warm in three winters, and evil words hurt people in June.
if speaking is a knife, many people are murderous executioners.
but unfortunately, the people we can hurt are often the people closest to us.
someone on the Internet once summed up eight common sentence patterns of "Chinese families don't talk well":
1. Indicative type: "you should."
2. Blame type: "what else can you do?"
3. Sticker type: "Why are you always like this?"
4. Impatient, indifferent: "I don't know!" "whatever, whatever."
5. Rhetorical question: "can't you see for yourself?" "or else."
6. Throw cold water: "I knew this would happen."... "
7. Hurt toKinship type: "you are the same as your mother /father."
8. Aggressive: "Don't you have anything in mind?"
many netizens are too heartbreaking after reading the direct call.
Yes, these conversations are all too familiar, just like three meals a day, integrated into our daily routine.
once upon a time, because of the same language abuse, we became inferiority complex, afraid to communicate, desperately trying to escape.
but I don't know when, we have also become the kind of people we hate most.
began to yell at the family, just want to blame do not want to understand, only command, lazy to communicate, can not learn to thank, do not know how to apologize.
leave kindness to strangers and rudeness to those close to you.
but no matter how deep the feelings are, they can't stand the bad words again and again.
in the end, it will only lead to estrangement, quarrel and even disgust in the family, until it breaks down completely.
is the best fengshui for a home
A good family atmosphere may have various factors.
but all happy families have one thing in common, that is, to speak well.
it's just that many people don't know how to express their feelings, so they get black and blue when they hurt their loved ones.
but in fact, most of the time, as long as we change the way we express ourselves, we can avoid injury and conflict and integrate love into our lives warmly and smoothly.
when you speak, don't just think about your feelings
if you want to maintain a long-term and good relationship, it depends on whether you have "commonalities" and whether you can think of others.
before you open your mouth, stand in the other person's position and think about it. Take a look, and you will find that
maybe she is worried about your health by nagging you after drinking; maybe he ignores you because of working overtime for three days in a row.
when you are angry, please give yourself some time
when people are angry, they are most likely to lose their minds and only want to vent their emotions.
but in fact, when things happen, blame is the most ineffective way, not only can not solve the problem, but will intensify the contradiction.
when you are angry, you should first stabilize your mood, then make a judgment and work together to find a solution.
speak clearly and don't add impurities to your feelings
many misunderstandings occur because there is something in the words.
although praise can be encouraged, it is always a habitual blow, and it is a reproach when you are obviously concerned about it.
but when two people are together, you should have something to say, and don't hurt the people you care about because of your emotions.
make good use of the ear, it can speak better than the mouth
listening is also a language of love, but that doesn't mean that silence is golden in communication.
but in times of conflict, use love and tolerance to listen to each other's needs and understand each other better.
A person's tolerance and understanding, a person's enough is enough, marriage can last for a long time.
in "one's Pilgrimage", there is a sentence that pierced me:
"cherish the true feelings of words and don't use them as ammunition.
it is not the house or money that really determines the happiness of a family, but the attitude we show to our family.
the happier a family is, the more it needs to treat every family member well.
talking well and encouraging more understanding of the people close to you is the most important thing a family should have.
, family and talent are happy. Don't let your home be ruined because you can't talk well.
share with you.